The Courage to Say No
Craving Peace from People Pleasing
Many of us have struggled to say no—even when we’re exhausted, overcommitted, or deeply uncomfortable. The woman who always puts others first, apologizes unnecessarily, and bends over backward to avoid conflict isn’t just being kind—she’s caught in the trap of people-pleasing.
Psychologist Linda Tillman puts it this way:
“People-pleasers spend their lives looking for validation from others.”
When our sense of worth is tied to external approval, we live in a constant state of tension, trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. We overcommit. We silence our opinions. We push ourselves past our limits just to make others happy. And in doing so, we sacrifice something priceless: peace in our hearts.
At its core, people-pleasing isn’t about kindness—it’s about fear. The fear of disappointing someone. The fear of rejection. The fear that saying no will make us unlikable or unworthy.
But here’s the unfortunate truth:
Saying yes to everyone else while saying no to yourself is a fast track to burnout, resentment, and exhaustion. It robs us of the inner peace we so deeply crave.
Why We Struggle to Say No
If the thought of saying no makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. Many of us were conditioned to believe that saying no is:
Selfish – Because “good girls” should always be helpful.
Rude – Because saying no might disappoint someone.
Unkind – Because we don’t want to make others feel rejected.
For years, I wrestled with this myself. I felt like I needed a justifiable excuse to say no—like being sick or having a prior commitment. I would rather run myself into the ground than let someone down.
But eventually, I had to face the hard truth: I wasn’t saying yes out of love. I was saying yes out of fear. I wasn’t agreeing because I genuinely wanted to; I was afraid of what people would think if I didn’t. And that’s not love.
That’s self-sacrifice rooted in insecurity.
The Consequences of Always Saying Yes
When we can’t say no, we:
Overcommit ourselves to obligations that drain us.
Resent the very people we once wanted to serve.
Neglect our own well-being—mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Lose sight of our own priorities and dreams.
Attract relationships that take advantage of our inability to set boundaries.
The result? Overwhelm. Exhaustion. Bitterness. And a heart that longs for peace but can’t seem to find it.
But here’s what we often forget: God never called us to be everything to everyone.
Even Jesus set boundaries. He didn’t answer every demand. He withdrew to rest and pray when He needed to. If Jesus wasn’t available 24/7, why do we think we should be?
Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you’re choosing to care wisely. It means recognizing that your time, energy, and emotional bandwidth are limited resources. If you give them away recklessly, you’ll have nothing left for what truly matters.
And what truly matters? A heart at peace. A life lived with intention. A faith that trusts in God’s direction, rather than people’s demands.
Craving Peace Over Approval
The peace we crave doesn’t come from making everyone happy. It comes from knowing we are already enough in Christ. It comes from trusting that we don’t need to prove our worth by overextending ourselves.
When we stop chasing approval and start pursuing peace, we finally find the freedom to live the life God has called us to—one filled with joy, purpose, and rest.
Things to ponder…
In what areas of your life do you struggle the most with saying no?
Have you ever said yes to something out of fear rather than genuine desire? How did it affect you?
How would your heart feel if you started choosing peace over people-pleasing?
If you, like me, are craving peace in all areas of your life, this is a great place to start.
Have a wonderful day my friend,
Love this. Great reminder.